Fade in. Aerial footage high above a Manhattan-like skyline. Top down view of skyscrapers and people below. Camera focuses on one tall building and zooms through the glass into one floor. Inside, the board room of a large multi-national corporation - FEMAREX. A large table is in the center of the room - "suits" all seated on one side, staff and employees standing on the other. One lonely woman is sitting at the table amongst the standing employees.

CEO Colonel Hans Rex ( played by Christopher Lee- slight German accent ) yells to the lone woman:

Colonel Rex

"My God Miss Rodgers - how could you possibly spend $23 million dollars of this companies money to develop and market flavored tampons?? Are you crazy?

Seated at the table alone is Sally Rodgers ( played by Tina Fey ). A lone plastic bottle of water rests in front of her. Her best friend, Gail Monroe, stands beside her. Scared and very uncomfortable, Sally explains:

Sally Rodgers

"Mr. Rex, all of our best market research has been confirming that a growing number of young women are consuming alcoholic beverages through a body oriface that does NOT include their mouth. Women don't want to have stinky alcohol breath. They are already soaking tampons in liquor and inserting them. All of our focus groups and research has confirmed that the time is right to start selling tampons specifically created and marketed for this purpose. Cross promotional tie-ins, like the Smirnoff Tampons or the Kaluha Tampon are ready for immediate market penetration."

Sally picks up the water bottle, unscrews the cap, and take her first sip.

Colonel Rex (yelling):

"I can't even believe we are talking about this!! And who came up with this list of names??" The Spirits Sponge ??     Muff Divers ??     Booze Box ??     Poon Saloon ??     Beaver Shots ??   Come on - gimme a break!!

Sally Rodgers

You left out my favorite name - CUN-TROLL. See....(holds up display) right on the package is a cute picture of a troll popping his head out of a ......"

Colonel Rex

Miss Rodgers - when your cooter develops taste buds, let me know. Until then, you're FIRED!"

Sally, surprised and astonished, proceeds to demonstrate a fantastic "Danny Thomas" spit take all over the table.

Colonel Rex

"We are done here people"

The employees slowly leave the boardroom, not a word to Sally Rodgers. Her friend Gail briefly rests her hand on her shoulder and leaves. Left alone in the boardroom, Sally slowly rises from her seat and makes the long journey home. Fade out.

Fade in to outside Sally's 2nd floor apartment, night time. Tired and fired, Sally enters her apartment, throws her keys on the hall table and heads for the kitchen with a small bag of groceries . She opens the refrigerator, and grabs a litlle bottle of orange juice. As the door of the refrigerator closes, it reveals her friend, roommate and ex-coworker Gail Monroe sitting at the kitchen table.

Gail

That really was a good spit-take, Sally. I'd give it an 8 out of 10. A little too much water dribble at the end. Good spray.

Sally

Thanks.

Gail

You really were fantastic Sally. You did great! You just saved the jobs of 25 of my co-workers, and my job of course. Everyone from corporate believed you worked there and were responsible. My whole division owes you their jobs!

Sally

Your welcome.

Gail

Everybody brought stuff to work to put in a box to make it appear you had a desk to clear out. Mr. Peters brought in a slide-rule. Your box is over there on the table. You can probably E-Bay some of it. And the envelope on top is your official Pink Slip.

Sally (reaching for the envelope)

What did they list as the reason for me getting fired? Let's see.

Sally rips open the small envelope and takes out 2 slips of paper.

Sally

Gail, come here. Look. Here is my pink slip. And here is my SEVERENCE PAY CHECK FOR $35,000!?! Oh my god! Can I keep this?? This is more money than I made in my last 4 jobs!

Gail

(Laughing and giggling) Pretty funny! You can't get a job, but your newest and most successful job is getting fired from jobs that you don't really have.

Sally

Is this a business? Don't other large companies have problems like yours?

Gail

How many ways are there to find out? Lets check "imgoingtogetfired.com."

END SCENE